I have so many questions that I know will not be answered this side of heaven about Isaiah.
Mostly I have questions for his birth mother. I have nothing but compassion in my heart for her - compassion and sadness. I wonder the big one - WHY? What happened to bring her to the point of not caring for him? Was it something out of her control? Was it physical or was it desperation of a dark reality that is poverty - unable to feed him or properly care for him?
I dream of meeting her someday. Telling her how beautiful Isaiah is, on the inside and out. I would love to stare into her eyes to see a resemblance - he has beautiful eyes - does he have her eyes? Isaiah also has a very kind and tender spirit - does she? Is she sweet and tender? He is very smart and looks at detail - does she?
I have so many - I could write a mile long list.
Not knowing and knowing that I may never know (on this side) can be hard. I know that the real story is probably pretty ugly and sad. I can not imagine what would have brought her to that place.
But as I look down the counter and see Isaiah and then Lily right behind him - my heart breaks a little more. And I pray that if something every happened to me, where I could no longer mother my children, that someone would step up. That someone would step up to care for my Lily. To enjoy her way and even her looks - even if they are not familiar and unlike theirs. Even if her ways are not like theirs.
Adoption can be a multi faceted thing - argued among others - is it right? is it wrong? How on earth a person could say it is wrong to adopt just blows my mind now that I know Isaiah. Wrong? Wrong to take a child into your home? To take a child that has NO ONE and say YES I WILL - I will care for you - no, I did not give birth to you but you need a mommy - you need someone to make sure you are warm in the middle of the night - you need someone that makes sure you are growing emotionally, physically and spiritually - YES I WILL.
The adoption process/bonding/attaching is not easy - but DO NOT let that become the excuse. I am pretty sure that it was not easy for Isaiah to have the first 2 years of his life filled with confusion - I am sure that it was not easy for his birth mother to come to the place in her life that she did - I am sure that it was not EASY.
I sit in my comfy home, waiting for my tea brew - while other mothers are dying, abandoning and are becoming unable to care for their babies. I pray that I do not waste the gift that God has given me. It IS a gift that I sit here - what am I going to do with it? Say, "wow, sucks to be you?" No way! I am going to get messy with the Lord. Get in that pit and hopefully shine some light in a dark place through Christ Jesus who I desire to follow and serve FEARLESSLY.