Saturday, July 28, 2012

an old enemy...

I use to have an old enemy that hung around most days.


There was a knot in my stomach, much of the time, named the "what ifs…"

"What if he falls from the tree and breaks his neck."
"What if the horse spooks and throws her."
"What if he falls into a bucket and drowns."
"What if he flips his quad and I don't hear it."
"What if someone pulls in the driveway and hits my babies."
"What if Hubby falls from a pole today."
"What if baby does not wake up from a nap because I put an extra blanket in with her/him."
"What if…. What if… What if…"

It was exhausting!!!! and often manifested itself in yelling, anger and frustration.

The Lord did a work in my heart a few years ago.  Through His Word, MANY circumstances and a few well placed comments my idols were revealed.  Repentance came and I could see my great desire to hold on tight was not from Him.

I felt free.

Actually I felt like I could LIVE [and let my family live].

A few months ago we were blindsided with a major medical condition.  My seemingly SUPER healthy, feisty boy had something growing in his brain - quietly, unseen, causing irreversible damage and some major health issues…. changing his life [our life] forever.

I felt, as a mom, out of control.  Completely.  How could of this happened.

An old enemy reared its ugly head.  The feeling of wanting everyone in a bubble has returned.  "Can we all just STOP, watch a movies and be still?  Let's just take a nap, ok?  Why would you want to swing that high?"

My ear has been inclined to every horror story and sickness more than ever.  "That could be us."


I remember the taste of this bondage.

You see, control is a lie straight from the pit.

The lie comes in the form of "if you had only done ____ better then that never would have happened" or "if you had never done _____ that never would have happened."

What a crock.

Let's just walk that through for a minute.  [Join me in the conversations that goes on in my head, will you?]

Evil Knievel.  The man was a nut and known for his crazy stuff.  He jumped over canyons and should have died many, many times.  He died of diabetes at an older age.

Countless missionaries would enter into an area with (foreign to them) diseases and even cannibalistic environments only to live a long full life. [currently reading about one]

Happy, healthy, excited people go watch a movie and wind up dead.

Those are only a few examples and I [re]"get" the picture.

Control is a farce.  God is sovereign and I certainly am not going to change that.

God so graciously reminds us "Do not FEAR."  365 times in The Bible.

Fear is a sin.  It claims LIFE from us.

Can Dawson die in the woods this weekend while packing-in to the wilderness?  Yes.

Could Ashton or her cousin get thrown from a horse today? Yes.

Could our economy crash and poverty wash over our nation, my family? Yes.

Could have Ashton slept walking into the river at camp this week?  Yes. [seriously worried all night about this one this week *rolling eyes*]

Could my daughter and I die in Africa on our next trip.  Yes.

Do I want to live in fear, yelling and just generally being grumpy because of the what ifs?  HEck NO!  That is not the life Jesus wants for me [and you].  He did not give me breath to fix this world.  That was and is His job.

How am I going to work this out [again]?

First, take every thought captive.

2 Corinthians 10:5

American Standard Version (ASV)
casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;


Romans 8:6

English Standard Version (ESV)
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

I will purpose to loosen the grip through obedience to set my mind on the things of Christ.  And when (and I know it will) the choice to freak or chill comes…. I will remember that I want to truly love my family.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Marriage Marriage Marriage...

Ephesians 5:21-33

New International Version (NIV)

Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

If marriage is a picture to the world of Christ and the Church, then why does marriage always go on the back burner?  

The enemy knows this passage all too well.  Statistics tell me that.  

I was just listening to Mark Driscoll's message titled "Ministry Marriage."  He recalled hero's in our faith and the truth behind their marriages.  I have read biographies on every single person he mentioned, and while rejoicing in their obedience to preach the gospel, I thought, what about their marriages?  Was ministry their idol?  I think for most that he mentions the answer is yes.

People that impact and encourage me toward Christ are also those that seek to live Eph. 5 out in their marriage.  They do not have a perfect marriage but marriage is their priority.  Not the head knowledge kind of priority, but the "I can't do ____ (wherever it may be) because I am spending time with my spouse" kind of priority.  When I hear that statement, I lean in closer every.single.time.  Or "I like to spend time with my spouse."  Sadly I feel that that statement is rare.  And if marriage is to reflect the picture of Christ and the church, what is that saying?

If we are truly trying to convey a message to a broken world, then we best bring the message the way Christ set it up.

We strive in bible studies, meetings, groups, trips and any other organized gathering to bring the message of God's love.  What if Ephesians 5 was strived for, with great priority?  With the same effort and purpose we give to organizing these groups?  What if we cheered each other on towards a healthy, honest marriage the way do missions or a new study from a great teacher?

I am a guilty as anyone.  I can spend hours on RH work.  What if I spent hours on my relationship with my husband?  On just being his friend?  Respecting him even when it's hard?  What kind of message would that send to our children, community and world?

We are blessed to have a good marriage but hours spent planning, thinking, praying for?  Um never.  Sad.

I was sharing with a friend that I remember ZERO sermons from my youth pastor growing up (sorry Pastor Steve) but I do remember my youth pastors marriage.  I remember how he treated her and how she treated him.  I remember how they treated their children.  It was beautiful and it spoke louder than his microphone.

Isn't that the case tho?  We can scream to the world about love but our actions are being heard louder.

I think we have a lot of head knowledge and little practice.  Marriage is not easy.  Isn't that all the more reason to press in?  What if marriage was ministry in our eyes? 

Dating my husband = ministry.  I like it!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Life Changer - D.I.

Diabetes Insipidus.

I had never heard of it before and strangely enough, few have.

This condition is so rare that Stanford only sees about 3 or 4 cases a year.  [a year!]  That shocked me.

Once the pituitary gland decides, for whatever reason, to stop making the hormone, vasopressin, your body no longer will hold fluid. 

diabetes insipidus, central - A metabolic disorder due to injury of the neurohypophyseal system, which results in a deficient quantity of antidiuretic hormone being released or produced, and thus in failure of tubular reabsorption of water in the kidney. As a result, a large amount of urine of low specific gravity is excreted, followed by dehydration and great thirst; it is often attended by voracious appetite, loss of strength, and emaciation. It may be inherited,acquired, or idiopathic.

This is a life changer for us.  Not in a "we can't do _____" kinda way, but in a "we have to be on it" kinda way.  Similar in a way to type 1 diabetes.  Not the condition, but life just changes.  It is doable, but there is change.

Our local medical community will need to be educated.  Dawson can not be treated like your typical patient.  If you give him a regular I.V. bag and is on the replacement hormone you could overload his body with fluid with severe consequences.  If you give him a regular bag of IV fluid and the hormone has worn off, you can dehydrate him no time.

Dehydration is the biggest concern when doing anything medical.  A young man died in the UK because they thought he was being a pain and continuously asking for water.  He even called the police from the hospital begging for water.  This story gave me the shivers.  How horrid.

Unfortunately the medical professionals at that hospital did not believe him about his condition.  This is a common story among D.I. patients.  Dawson will need an advocate all of his life.  

Is it permanent?  Yes.  Unless the Lord would choose to heal him, this condition is typically permanent.  We will ask the Lord for healing but deal with this condition with the wisdom and resources God has so generously blessed us with.  

We are so blessed to have the resources available to us.  How many DI patients die from lack of diagnosing, educating and medicating?  [we would adopt any child in need of DI care. btw]  Our medical help rocks.  They are the best in the world.  Justin and I love each Endocrinologist we have had at Stanford.

Speaking of God's provision.  
Can I just recall to you the clear hand of the Lord in Dawson's new condition?  This was the first year I have ever homeschooled.  I had a deep burden, like never before.  It was clear, this was the year.  

Because Dawson was home he had full access to water and a potty.  This kept him healthy.  Had he been in school it would have been viewed as a behavior issue.  Even being home, I wondered and leaned towards some kind of mental thing :(.  My heart is FILLED with gratitude toward Our Loving Father that He knew the guilt for me and pain for Dawson if he had been disciplined over this.  Not to mention all the consequences of lack of water or embarrassment an accident… the list is long (very long) of reasons I am so thankful for Dawson being homeschooled.  Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus.

God is so good and worthy to be trusted.  Even in the hard of new medical conditions.  He is worthy.  Worthy of our worship and every inch of our hearts, minds and soul.  We will praise Him even for this.  May His purposes and plans be worked out though each of us as we adjust daily to this life changer.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Just Play

I love being a mom of lots of little people.

They never cease to amaze me with their imaginations and games they randomly make up.

They play together really well.  

We have our days, and even this morning the boys had it out with one another but for the most part (especially when they are outside) they play hard and get creative.

Somewhere they found a long pipe and made a hurdle with different levels using the dog kennel fencing.




[love the tongue]

OK, your turn Little Ones.



[This is SO their personalities.  Focused and Carefree = perfect combo]


How about everyone.  Mama's having fun now.

Whoa Ninja Isaiah. :)

Lil D, do you want to go?


That's OK - you're so cute you can cheat.


Wednesday, July 4, 2012


Today has celebration written all over it!

Yesterday was a long tough day but the outcome was music to our ears.

Our neurosurgeon and radiologists at Stanford all agreed the MRI scan was no different then the last one in May.  This is good news!  It has not grown.

We will continue to watch him carefully but, as of now, we plan to go back in 6 months for another scan.

Between now and then we work with Endocrinologists for the Diabetes Insipidus.  

[More on DI later.  After recently reading about a man dying in a hospital from dehydration (because of DI) I think we all need a bit more education on it!]  

9 + hour drive home yesterday.  So today we just enjoyed one another.  The house is a wreck, I think the car door is even open but with ice creams in hand and swimsuits on, we are, as Lily just said, "in relaxing position." :)

[a little video from today.]
The kids have been singing this song from Go Fish.  I was listening to the words and thought, for this July 4th, it was very fitting.  
This is My Father's World.
"That tho the wrong seems oh so strong God is the ruler yet!"