A few hours later I called and all he could say was "pray for me, pray for me" (not exactly what I wanted to hear a half world away) scared.me.to.death.
All I was hearing from the other team members was "pray" and "we dashed to the clinic" (I did not like the word "dash" - I would have rather a leisure gaunt).
The next thing I know is, he is on IV and not talking, just trying to keep meds down. They were running tests.
Now here is where my learning came in - many of the things are relearned and some were just a deeper look.
1.) I am not in control. (this is an old one but seems to need to be looked upon often)
2.) Being anxious, throwing a fit before the Lord, pacing the floor did no one any good.
3.) Life is fragile. (he was fine and building at Ssenge earlier that day - super healthy (and hot) guy)
4.) Each day is a gift.
And a deeper look at what the heck we are doing there.
Parts (a lot of parts) of me wanted to just medivac him out (he never would have gone for it but not saying it didn't cross my mind), never look back and say "too bad so sad for all of you there, living there - I am not willing to give up my hubby" (again I think I am in control and can keep him safe here - HA). (pretty hu? - did I mention I was alone and it was alllll night long this went on).
But God .....
The conversation went something like this (and no it was not an audible voice - it was scripture, which is truth, that kept coming to mind - so I will call it a conversation with God).
Me - "I hate this - I did not sign up for this. What if, what if, what if?"
God - Luke 12:25 (New American Standard Bible)
"And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?
Me - "I don't want to do this anymore - I choose comfort and safety from now on."
God - John 12:25 (New American Standard Bible)
"He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal."
Me - "He can just do a mens bible study and pulls some weeds for a neighbor from now on."
God - James 1:27 (New International Version)
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Psalm 112:7-9 (New International Version)
7 He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.
9 He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn will be lifted high in honor.
But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.
Sharper than a two edged sword I tell you!
This conversation went on for quite some time. Only to be confirmed in the end that no matter what happens - God is in control - Just because we are serving Him in a third world country (or in America for that matter) does not make us exempt from disease, illness, tragedy - God is in control - no.matter.what!
He is worthy to serve, worthy to lay our Isaac on the alter (or hubby for me last night) and know that no matter what happens, God is still God, and God is good.
*Justin is now at the guest house resting. Still feeling pretty rough. Tests came back clear and it is thought to be a bad flu bug that got out of control because he ulcerated (?) his guts some how (totally do not understand). Prayers appreciated for a healing touch. God says ask - so I am asking.*