Monday, March 11, 2013

Lest anyone think this "easy"…..

I'm not one to embrace the sad.  It's not me.  My friends cry, I don't.  There are seasons of tears, for sure, but typically nope.

Once, I asked God for tears (because I was so worried about the lack) and boy did He answer.  It was quite an out-of-body experience for me [and my husband].

I admire those that cry, honestly I do.  I think it's healthier.

The tough front does not minimize what I see and know though.

We are insanely excited around here for our upcoming adventure.  New and fun are abounding right and left!

But there is also loss….

You see, we have a pretty amazing group of friends that have turned into family here.  Our closest blood family member is 5 hours away.  God, in His provision, has filled those gaps ever so sweetly.

We have Doctors that I text when struggling with something.  Doctors that we have grieved with and celebrated with.  Doctors that encourage us towards orphan care every.step.of.the.way.  These people are not professional sterile appointments, they're friends with gift and talents.

My Dentist... I get giddy excited for our "girl date" cleaning.  [ya, where am I going to find that again??  no.where… ever… ]  A dentist that sends us on mission with boxes of toothbrushes because they too have joined us in this call to care.  A dentist that I hug when I see her out and about and leave with a, "can't wait to catch up."

We stand in church with people we have history with.  Good and bad, it's history.  We know things, ya know?  They know things.  Forgiveness has been exercised.  Family.

I look across the field and don't see neighbors, I see family.  I see Manny, our neighbor boy, bringing his girlfriend over to get approval.  I see my my boys riding their quads over to sell eggs [that I am pretty sure they did not "need" but bought anyways].  I see the time I was about to deliver my 4th baby and sent the kids running across the field to their house knowing they would care for them at this very last minute notice.  I see friends that are family.  They know us, ya know?

To the West of us, and only a few fields aways, lives one of my best friends and her family.  This friend and I have done some life together these last few years.  When I say "life" I mean liiiiffffeeee [said in a low tone].  These kinda friendships don't just come around… they are made… through the hard stuff of life.  Honest texts are sent and much grace and love has been exchanged.  She is the one I send things like, "today I am a rip for no good reason - pray for me" and I know there is no judgement, just prayers.  I have never been more transparent with another woman than this one.  This can't be replaced.

Standing to my right, at church, stands a woman that has been my kids' only active [local] grandma/aunt figure since they can remember.  She was one of my first friends here and not long after meeting we grieved the loss of her cherished husband together.  From that time forward there has not been a birthday, wedding, birth, homecoming, first day of school, softball game, ski day, AWANA moment, Stanford visit or any event separate from one another.  My husband has walked her daughter down the isle and I was there cheering, as her first grandson entered the world.  You don't just forget these kind of things.  There is a lot of history.

Our pastor is not a man that stands in front that we are disconnect from.  We are connected.  We know them.  Justin has counseled/mentored under him for years and years.  We know their hearts, we know their flaws, we know their children - they know even more about us.  You just don't build that trust in a fast fashion.

The youth pastors are not "our youth pastors" but friends who love God and we do life with.  There are no "roles" here but real relationship.  It all started over a few episodes of "Biggest Loser" and now holidays, the birth of their first born, tears over a miscarriages have occurred.  These are life changing intimate moments shared.

I could go on…..

Friends that we have arranged marriages planned, these things are thought through, ya know? ;) [totally joking no i'm not]  These are the kind of friends that come over after church and I watch their baby try to crawl for the first time on my rug.  This baby we prayed for fervently!  Being born at 29 weeks is not easy….. but now he's trying to crawl on my carpet!  These moments are earned through close friendship.  It takes time, history.

Grocery store runs are not quick stops but a social hours.  As much as I don't like it sometimes, when in a tough season of life [like when you are told your son has a brain tumor] this is the place you want.  This is the place where friends stream through the door with food, gifts and money to keep us afloat.  Friends that throw together garage sales and meal plans…. animal care… because they know us and know we can't take care of that right now.  Friends added us to every church prayer chain and healing came.  You want to be a part of this kind of community when things like that happen.

This place is home.

Not because of the building but because of the people.

Home is hard to leave… lest anyone think it "easy."

[now crying… bawling… go figure..]


  1. sweet friend, I understand....and I am praying....and crying.

  2. Bawling with you friend. I so get it. I really do. This journey of yours is very costly. And...I just heard from my son...who heard from my sister's boys...that you are headed elsewhere after Uganda? Gulp. I'm not a cry-er either...but I may make an exception. xoxoxo

  3. Oh this made ME cry. Praying for you as you transition!!! Love you!

  4. Ok, if this doesn't cause you to cry then I don't know what will. You certainly had me at the first : 'But there is also loss'

    I know these people love you and care for you as you have them.

    Your sister? She cries over this loss too but also know you are doing what you are suppose to be doing and that you will be back.

    Love you!

  5. My Dear friend, you know I too suffer from "tear-blockage," but the lump in my throat right now really hurts. To say you will be missed doesn't even come close to what is in my heart. You and your family are leaving a big, gaping hole behind when you leave, one that you will fit back into very nicely should God ever send you back this way again (yes, I will be praying for you in many ways, but that "Dear God please bring them back NOW" prayer will always be a part of it :-)).

    Love you so much and am so grateful for your friendship. You have blessed so many lives here and now you are off to bless other lives elsewhere. We will be praying much and STAYING IN TOUCH!!

  6. Hi there - I am a friend of Stacey's and lucky for you, I am a crier! I am also a city girl. Killing chickens to me means going to our local Trader Joes and getting a killing on a good price of pre-packaged blood free meat. My dentist is an 82 year old man who I'm not sure I'd want to hang out with since he smells like Old Spice from 1982 and has chewed the same piece of gum since he first opened up his practice. I only have two kids who go to public school. My husband is not a Christian. And I have an obsession with thrift stores and musical theatre. I used to write for TV and now I just Ebay for cash and am writing a book on Tourette Syndrome. We are kind of different but... I will be living only 15 miles from you. I go to a great church. I laugh a LOT and my kids are super friendly, even if they don't drive ATVs or don't know how to work a shot gun. We would LOVE to help you acclimate the best we can. We are not Stacey, but we are still, dare I say it? Okay I will. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so lucky! Write if you want!


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