Here I sit, bloodshot eyes thinking .... I have no idea what I am doing.
Here is the subject matter: Homeschooling. [or is it - home schooling - see, i do not even know!!!!]
I am all signed up, home-school-room-ready, curriculum [mostly] ordered [hence the bloodshot eyes] and we are full steam ahead.
What am I doing?
Lord, really? Are you sure this was the plan? No Mr. Bus next week? No forced schedule to keep me going - or.else.i.will.get.in.trouble.by.the.school.if.they.are.late or worse, i.will.have.to.leave.my.house.if.they.miss.the.bus kinda schedule?
Oh dear. [or is it Oh Dear with a big D? I can not remember!]
You see, I have never really been a good teacher (or student, really).
When the kids do not understand something, my first thought is not: get creative and come from another angle. It is usually to speak louder. Kinda like someone that does not speak English - I repeat it louder.
The reality is - volume is not the problem.
Oh Dear [or dear].
Is it possible to become a teacher? Yes, I know I am teaching them everyday. I get that. BUT I am not teaching them math, writing, botany, history, how to read a map..... and other things they learn when the get on Mr. Bus and go away.
I teach them: don't hit your brother, here's how you unload the dishwasher, say your prayers, God is good, fold your clothes, clean out the chicken coop, speak up for those that cannot speak for themselves, spur that horse when she does that - you know, the important stuff.
I can handle that stuff. Got.it.covered!
But the rest? I hardly made it through school myself. Seriously.
I could tell you a lot about my friends and what happened in high school, down to clothing details but academics? I hardly remember what teachers I had, let alone what they taught.
You see my dilemma.
But, this is not the first, first.
Firsts are hard. Everything always looks bigger and more scary.
I am sure it will be fine, just fine.
After all, just this morning Ashton was beautifully doing a figure 8 on her horse. I taught her that. [we won't mention the crying and yelling that got us to the beautiful part, now will we.]
Here we go!